On Abuse, Survival, and the Word ‘Victim’
I debated for a long time whether I would describe sex with Reese. I didn’t know if I could stand knowing that it might turn some readers on, that it could sustain their fantasies about underage girls. Some of you have come to this essay for the sex, whether you’d admit to it or not.
Lonely
When I first met you, baby
Baby, you were just sweet sixteen
You just left your home then, woman
Ah, the sweetest thing I'd ever seen
But you wouldn’t do nothing, baby
You wouldn’t do anything I asked to
You wouldn’t do nothing for me, baby
You wouldn’t do anything I asked to
too late, too late
What just happened?
Get out of here
Did you hear me?Get out of here—I won’t tell you again, little girl!
You’re your mommy’s whole life, baby girl.
Your father’s not allowed in here anymoreDon’t tell him anything about the house, got it?
Don’t say anything, Emily. It’s not his business. It’s ours.
July, July, July.
okay, a little afraidbut only for another month
Maybe we can try again after your birthday?
never again
jailbaiti thought she was 18, do i need a lawyer? Is it really statutory rape if she consented?
you
In my poem “Philomela,” the rape isn’t described. It takes place off stage, recorded years after the event by the character who experienced it.
When I left out the rape, I thought I was refusing to indulge a reader’s voyeurism. But the reader knows what is left out: My silence, then, is not a revision but an invitation to imagine this violence for yourself.
not
violence
You’ve got to learn how to defend yourself
daughtermy mother
Just a minute
+ - Okay, baby girlDon’t be too longI’ll have dinner on soon.
Negative
because
isn’t
victimsurvivor
Ken
I had to make sure
moved
IIII
You wanted itYou pursued him. You were a little slut. You put him in an impossible position. should so maturereally talk to me
the unlawful sexual penetration of a victim by the defendant, or of the defendant by the victim when the victim is at least fifteen (15) but less than eighteen (18) years of age and the defendant is at least four (4) but not more than five (5) years older than the victim.
Oxford English Dictionarystatutory
Of a crime: established or regulated by statute, as opposed to common or natural law
My baby girl’s back homeYour mommy’s so happy
Get outI don’t want them to see you.
This is the recording.
Ken?
This is the recording this is the recording this is the recording
It’s a little girlShe’s not a mean ghost, just mischievousWe haven’t heard from you in a whileHow was your day, little ghostie?
Emilia Phillips (she/her/hers) is the author of three poetry collections from the University of Akron Press, most recently Empty Clip (2018), and four chapbooks, including the forthcoming Hemlock (Diode Editions, 2019). Her poems and lyric essays appear widely in literary publications including Agni, American Poetry Review, Ploughshares, Poetry, and elsewhere. She’s an assistant professor in the MFA Writing Program and the Department of English at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro.
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