Cover Photo: Illustration by Sirin Thada for Catapult
Illustration by Sirin Thada for Catapult

playing the dozens with loneliness

your lonely ain’t alone if it’s waiting for him

playing the dozens with loneliness

your lonely so ugly it reaches back for rough memories, parses for the pretty your lonely so ugly it moans, begging to be let out of its misery your lonely so ugly it steal the show your lonely so ugly it’s still ugly after repair your lonely ugly enough to try and convince itself it’s not your lonely ugly as busted-up shoes broken skin his promises or utterances or lies or your lonely so ugly it’s violent your lonely hang from gallows your lonely weeps and paints the wood bloody your lonely make everybody run for cover your lonely stalks his twitter hoping he’ll hold himself accountable your lonely so ugly, people make excuses for it your lonely so embarrassed it sneaks and hides in the seasonal depression darkness your lonely so gauche your lonely make a congregation trade whispers your lonely so ugly the pastor don’t wanna pray over it your lonely ain’t alone if it’s waiting for him your lonely an invitation your lonely palpable your lonely so ugly it became a viral meme your lonely take up all five lanes on the highway your lonely revisits the divorce papers like his favorite scripture [love] does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered your lonely can recite that in its sleep your lonely is the ungodly hour your lonely so ugly it scatters at the sight of itself then cowers in a corner your lonely so obnoxious, it make everyone stare in its direction your lonely seeps into the bloodstream your lonely need freeing from that skin your lonely so ugly even lonely don’t recognize it

Arriel Vinson is a Tin House YA Scholar and Hoosier who writes about being young, Black, and in search of freedom. She earned her MFA in Fiction from Sarah Lawrence College. Her poetry, fiction, and essays have appeared in Kweli Journal, The Rumpus, Catapult, and others. Her work has also been nominated for Best New Poets 2020, Best of the Net 2019, and a Pushcart Prize. A Walter Grant recipient, she is also a 2019 Kimbilio Fellow and 2020 92Y Discovery Poetry Contest semifinalist.