An Oddity at The Smith Residence

One night, in a small Mormon town in central Utah, an alien planted a seed in the Smith family’s backyard. About a week later, something started coming out of the ground. At first it looked like a magic 8 ball emerging. The house dog was the first one to find it. She sniffed it but it didn’t smell like anything to her. So she decided to lick it. It made a little rumble and quivered a bit. The dog whimpered back inside. She avoided it for a while.

A few days later, it was emerging even more and growing wider. At that point it was approximately the shape and size of a molehill but it was solid, compact and slippery. Still, it was hidden under the tall neglected grass.

Until the next day, when the dad of the house hit it with a lawnmower. This made the whole backyard tremble with a small magnitude earthquake. The Dad was curious, so he mowed the grass around it. He still didn’t get what it was so he got his family to come investigate. The mom was intrigued by the unknown object but pretended to be alarmed in front of her kids and husband. The kids started running towards it but the mom held them back. The kids were upset that their mom wouldn’t let them play with it.

The family wanted to find out what it was time to go to church. After church, the family tried to figure out what it was again but they couldn’t. Later that night, after their parents went to bed, the kids snuck into the backyard and played with it for hours.

Over the next couple of days, it grew to the height of a stop sign. As more of it emerged from the ground it got slightly thinner than the original mound would have suggested. The family was happy about this change in it’s shape because they were scared that if it got any thicker that it would possibly grow through their house and that the whole property would be destroyed.

But by that point, the neighbors could see it over the Smith family’s fence. The older folks in the neighborhood would yell at the Smith’s, telling them to get rid of it. As a result, the Smith’s decided to try to dig it up but no matter how hard they tried they couldn’t uproot it or find the bottom of it. The parents in the town also didn’t like it and would hide their children’s eyes from it whenever they walked the kids to school. To shield themselves from the judging eyes of their neighbors, the Smith family tried to cover it up with bed sheets but it would always shake them off. So, the family gave up trying to hide it.

A week later, it was as tall as the house was (it stayed the same thickness too) and everyone in town knew about it. Some of the townspeople saw it as a sign of ungodliness in the Smith family and decided to shun the family from the local church. This brought turmoil to the Smith family. Sometimes, the little kids in town would try to climb the fence to see what it was up close but the dad would scare them off before they could touch it.

However, when the family was asleep, some of the teenagers in the town would sneak into the backyard, hug it, and try to climb it. But when too many teenagers were there for too long it would tremble so hard that a vase or ceramic angel would fall inside the house, waking up the dad. The teens were always able to escape before getting caught, however, because the Dad always had to turn the light on before going to the backyard, which alerted them.

About a month and a half after it had first sprouted, it was done growing. It was about the height of a quarter of the national monument. At this point, most of the town wanted to cut it down at all costs. So they had a town hall meeting, that the Smith Family wasn’t invited to. They decided to bring chainsaws, axes, and saws to the Smith family’s house to bring it down.

The townspeople broke through the fence and started hacking at it. But with each attempted slice by the townspeople it would shake harder and harder, knocking them down. The quakes got so strong that the Smith’s house started to crumble. Unfortunately, the family wasn’t able to escape the house and they all died. This didn’t stop the townspeople from trying to finish their task. They kept trying to cut it down but it was too strong for them.

Then, all of a sudden, two orbs quickly emerged from the ground next to it. This made the townspeople back up. Then some of them realized what it was and they collectively gasped…

“Oh my heck!” One of the townspeople said. “It’s… It’s… It’s a giant dildo!”

The dildo vibrated the hardest it had so far and the sound of fire emerged from under it. Then the dildo started to lift off like a spaceship. Then an adolescent alien opened a window on the side and waved to the townspeople with the proudest smile on her face. Then it was gone forever and the town was all-normal again.

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